Let me tell you, I am not comfortable speaking in crowds...just a year ago I couldn't even share this same story in front of a group of 12 ladies I knew without shaking, voice trembling, and stumbling on my words! God is so good! I love that He continued to impress upon my heart the urgency to be bold for Him. I've ignored it for far too long. I've chosen not to disregard it any longer and my goodness, it is such an amazing journey that I've been exposed to I could have never dreamed it up in a million years!
I've worried for quite a number of years of what others thought of me...including complete strangers. My outward appearance. All my effort went into making the outer part of my life appear to look fantastic. I also placed all of my likes, identities and talents into separate boxes (bedazzled, of course!) I kept them all separate. When the time called for a particular item, then I'd retrieve the correct box but then quickly slammed the box lid shut. Never allowing God or others to get close enough inside to truly see in or to even fill me up. I lived this accelerated, unremarkable life for many years. Always feeling a lacking in my heart. I thought I was doing things right, I mean I was volunteering excessively at my children's school, did my daily devotions, volunteered at church, kept up with the household stuff yet I still felt things in my heart was just not right.
When you get broken you become desperate for God. I was becoming very broken in my heart. Very low in fuel...I was finding only remnants in the boxes of what used to be abundantly overflowing at one point in time. Christ revealed to me that I was not allowing myself to be vulnerable and transparent. WHAT?! Oh my goodness! What would others think? If I let people get to know the "real" me, then they may not like what they see? Would they still like me? What if they found out about "this or that?" They may not understand what I had to go through!
Let me tell you something, the most beautiful woman is a woman who is comfortable in her own skin. 1 Corinthians 3:16 says, "Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in your midst?" Wow! That's pretty awesome! Change needs to happen in order for you to allow growth. Growing is not comfortable, in fact it requires you to endure pain. Growing stretches you and takes you to a new level that you have not been before and it is gloriously beautiful once you arrive. Christ never wastes pain that we experience. We need to just remember to keep a mind-set that God is in control. He has you. He will never leave you and He has prepared a place for you in eternity. We are not of this world. Things of this place are temporary.
I thought about how loyal Christ is to me. Have I predetermined my loyalty to Him in all that I go through? What exactly is loyalty? Loyalty is...to be firm, be established, be steadfast, be faithful, be sure, be reliable, be fixed, be certain; to be ready, be prepared; to be determined...After reading this I prayed for Christ to make me more loyal to Him. To remove "Christy." Removing selfishness, pride and worries making me an empty vessel to be filled with His Holy Spirit that I may be used according to His plan and purpose. Goodness me, God hears prayers people! He did just that for me! It wasn't an easy road, but it was a road I wouldn't have redirected or repaved at all. I love where He has brought me in being able to be bold for Him. He has proved Himself throughout my years to be my firm foundation, established in my life, unwavering, unshakable, unfaltering, unbendable, faithful to His Promise's. He's authenic, trustworthy and dependable. He's equipped, ready and willing to give all that He is to me even when I don't even realize it.
Not much has changed in my outward appearance in the past year, but much sure has in my heart! I am quick to speak to people and greet them with a smile and say hello looking them in the eye. I am patient and slow to anger in difficult situations. I forgive when I am hurt or wronged. I've become transparent & vulnerable to those I trust around me. I surrender things to Christ that I am not meant to carry. I trust in Him to see me through each and every day, as well as each and every situation and circumstance. I have faith that I will see Him one amazing day!
Let me leave you with this thought...We all have one giant sized breath of God. Are you going to breathe it out everyday sharing it with the world around you? Or, are you going to hold it in puffing out your cheeks so big making your face turn red til you pass out keeping it all to yourself? I've chose to take my index fingers and poke my rosed colored cheeks and exhale Jesus out to this world while I can. I can't control what other people think, so why should it bother me what they think of me especially if I am in Christ. Psalm 139:14 says, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made."
God's fingerprint's are all over me and you. He has created some pretty amazing things, including you and me, so I am going to be bold for Him, loving Him, serving Him, seeking Him, being prepared, and waiting with anticipation to see what is in store for me next.
Take care and be blessed.
Christy K.
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